I began writing a post back on June 9th… that’s nearly 2 months ago. I hate going through these GIANT gaps without writing. But it does give me quite a bit to talk about. Especially lately; there’s been a lot of positive changes.
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My boyfriend and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary by going on a little impromptu vacation to New Orleans, Louisiana. We left on June 30th and returned on July 5th. It was such a great little get-away; we went on a swamp tour, a haunted ghosts tour, lived like locals and explored like tourists.
After 11 months of staying at my boyfriend’s parents’ house, my boyfriend and I moved into a house with two of our friends and our friend’s sister. It’s a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom home with an amazing backyard for my dog to run around like crazy in. It’s our friend’s family home so it needs some TLC but it’s nothing we all can’t tackle as a team. I’m grateful to be able to have our own space in the highest level of the home in the master bedroom; the three of us (my boyfriend, Mija [puppy] and me) wouldn’t be able to live a healthy lifestyle in a standard bedroom.
I’ve been working for a small start-up company for the past year (the anniversary of my start-date is practically next week). I started as a driver — making deliveries to customers who ordered through the app, worked my way up to be a manager and have just recently earned my VERY FIRST SALARY POSITION where I’ll have the opportunity to travel the country. I’ll have to write a post about that first trip out once it happens; so far I’ve been doing basic training for the position.
After 2.5 years of taking my anti-depressant and anxiety medications I am officially no longer taking prescribed pills for my mental health!!! The only medication I take daily is my birth control pill. There are things I take daily now in order to take better care of myself such as digestive vitamins, women’s daily vitamins and an omega-3 supplement. Instead of taking anxiety medicine and anti-depressants I have been using a vape pen to use CBD oil. I use it sparingly when I feel that I’m on edge or need a moment to myself. Before anything, though, I discussed with my therapist about the removal of medication and how I planned on supplementing them with CBD oil. That way I was able to wean myself off with professional guidance. I DO NOT recommend going cold-turkey with stopping any prescribed medication. I’ve been down that road and within a week I was back into a very noticeable depressive state — I needed to go back on my medications immediately. I struggled with the idea and act of needing medications for my mental health and have had moments within the past 2.5 years where they increased and decreased in dosages only to increase again then decrease. It is not something most people can just end, it takes time and, depending on how your life moves along, you may need it longer than you’d hoped. Some people need it a few months or years while others need it for the rest of their lives. IT IS ALL OKAY. Everyone is different. I don’t doubt that I may need it again in the future. But I’ve accepted that already. And I’ve been working on things that I need for myself in order to kick those depressive habits and thoughts. As I’ve always said: writing helps me tremendously. I just seem to go through funks where I don’t write. I’ve realized it’s because I worry that what I want to write about isn’t worth it, good enough or interesting. Those are the thoughts that need to stop. Those are the same thoughts I’ve had of myself — the very same ones I’ve kicked to the curb. I am, my writing is, and you are enough. Pleasing people is SO last year *hair-flip*. 2019 has been so good to me; there’s no going back or falling — I’m rising like that beautiful freakin’ Summer sun in the sky.
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I have a coffee to my left, my puppy to my right and John Mayer’s Pandora station playing as I write. It’s a little after 4 PM here on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Life is good, I’m writing again and I can’t complain. I won’t.
— Lizzie KJ