(Dog) Mom-duty.

I’m writing here because I’m afraid to fall asleep.

My dog (Mija, 1.5 years old) got spayed yesterday morning (11-20-19) and her recovery hasn’t been the easiest. The procedure went well, she’s been super out of it, but it seems like she has no control over her own body right now.

I picked her from the clinic, got her home in the car, placed her on my bed and she sat there and peed. She got scared so she rushed off and came to my side but peed some more on the floor. I cleaned it up and got her to calm down, but she peed again (and a lot) on the floor but standing up (not squatting like a normal female dog). So I cleaned that up too, put new bedding on the bed and placed her back up.

I told my boyfriend about everything that had been going on so he reached out to his parents for some assistance (he’s out of town for the week for work).

** A little backstory: the washer at the house I’m living in broke at some point last week so all of these messes are not an easy fix. **

His parents (the wonderfully caring people that they are), were already out and offered to stop by so they could pick up and wash the bedding since they already knew our washer was broken.

They came within a half hour, checked on Mija and gave her some love, and took the bedding home with them to wash. They offered for me to spend the night so I didn’t have to watch after Mija alone but I politely declined and said I’d be over tomorrow instead.

Mija took a while to calm down and get comfy (she’s been constantly readjusting herself and moaning when she moves) but it seemed like we had both finally gotten settled in bed after about an hour or so.

I dozed off (maybe 20-30 minutes) and woke to her having thrown up on the new blankets I was using. Typically when she throws up she makes gagging noises and I’m able to redirect the mess to an easier spot to clean. This time, though, it seems to have just came up without control. It soaked through two blankets and the sheets so after this and the initial accident on the bed — I don’t have any more blankets to sleep on.

Realizing this, I started to cry. I just lost it. It just seemed to be one thing after another that I couldn’t control and I felt so bad that she was feeling so shitty. I couldn’t just clean up the mess and throw the blankets into the washer. I couldn’t take them off and fall back asleep. It was 12:30am at this point and I had already been up since 7am — my eyes are currently hurting because I’m so tired.

I knew going to my boyfriend’s parents’ place wouldn’t be an issue (I have a key) but I debated on whether or not to even go for nearly 20 minutes because of the time of night and worrying that I might wake them when I arrive with Mija. I finally decided the only option was to pack up what Mija and I needed and leave. There was no way I could sleep without a blanket, especially Mija.

So I’m here now, it’s a little after 2am on Thursday morning and I’m afraid to fall asleep. I know it’s irrational but I don’t want something worse happening and not being able to react properly. She’s laying behind me on the couch curled up in the back of my bent legs. I know she’s okay, but I can’t help but feel the need to stay awake. I’m extremely uncomfortable but I know she’s okay.

This must be what being a mom is like – loving someone so much that you’d put aside your own comfort and needs for them. She’s my priority right now. She needs the rest more than I do. But I’m so tired…